Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Found your dick twin last night
We left the knife in your bed.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
