Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
