Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
