You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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