K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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