i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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