Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I bet he comes in French.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize