You don't have asthma, your pregnant
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
