Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
