My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
