I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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