Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
