just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
