So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
