i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I am one with the molecules
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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