You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
