Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
