I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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