question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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