how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
