It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
