Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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