So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
