There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week