He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
this boner is exhausting
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.