I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
