my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
