laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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