Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
