remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
