you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize