so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
