sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
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he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
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Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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