I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
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I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
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The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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