when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
