I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize