im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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