ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
