I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
