Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize