...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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