I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
