so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
