when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
