I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
