The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
