You're so nebulous sometimes
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
