I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
