How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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