I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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