Plan B is the new Plan A
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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