I have demons in me.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
