apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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