Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
