I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just pee around me
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
