my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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