I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
