I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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