At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
