He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I fill condoms, not promises.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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