Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
