I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
