He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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