a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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