So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
