I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
