OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
