Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Please don't give away my fajitas
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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