In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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