That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
