Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
